Use These 6 Steps to Motivate Yourself to Change
By Eve Delunas, Ph.D.
As the New Year approaches, are you looking to make a change? Are you ready to retire an old habit & replace it with a new, healthier way of living? Here are
6 tips for motivating yourself to make new, life-enhancing choices in the coming year.
1. Engage Your Imagination. Since motivation always follows imagination, take time to visualize yourself joyfully engaging in your new, chosen behavior; i.e., if you want to begin exercising more regularly after work, start envisioning yourself exercising & feeling fabulous. Picture how good it feels to move your body after a mostly sedentary day at the office. Imagine yourself
feeling fit & vigorous, brimming with vitality & enjoying the whole experience. The more you practice your new behavior
in your mind’s eye, the more inspired you'll feel to incorporate it into your lifestyle.
2.
Take Baby Steps. Begin with little changes that are reasonable; i.e.,
if you're currently a couch potato, don’t expect yourself to suddenly begin exercising for an hour a day. That’s just a set-up to fail. It’s much better to start small & gradually build up to an hour a day. A reasonable goal might be to begin exercising 3 days a week for 20 minutes at a time. As this gets easier, you can include more days & make your exercise sessions a bit longer.
3. Use Positive Self-Talk. Remind yourself that a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. Focus on where you're going
- not where you've been. Self-criticism isn't motivating - rather, it's paralyzing. Speak to yourself in encouraging ways. Pat yourself on the back for being willing to try to establish new, healthier habits. Focusing on how you could have
or should've changed sooner is simply a waste of energy. Celebrate the fact that you're
making a positive change today!
4.
Find a Buddy. You don’t have to do this alone. It can be very helpful to team up with
someone else who is trying to make the same changes that you are. Join a support group, or find a friend with similar goals. Make a commitment to check in with each other daily by phone or email to hold each other accountable & to offer encouragement.
5. Be Gentle with Yourself. You will, at times, slide backwards, disappoint yourself & fail to meet your own expectations. Don’t let a little backsliding dishearten you. Remind yourself to take it one day at a time. Tomorrow is another opportunity
to practice your new, healthier lifestyle.
6. Avoid Comparing Yourself to Others. You'll always find someone who is farther along the path than you are. Keep your focus
on your own progress, rather than on how you measure up to others. Comparing yourself to others is a waste of time & energy
& only leads to discouragement. It really doesn’t matter what anyone else is doing. What matters are the choices you make today to live a better life!
  How to Create Stability in a World of Constant Change
By Melissa Jean Quiter
Every day there seems to be something new to learn, something new to tackle, something new that
you have to do to keep up. If you don’t keep up, look out, because you may just get left behind! And then who knows
what it'll take to ever catch up again. It's absolutely exhausting. Not to mention completely out of alignment with what your
inner knowing believes life is about.
Fear & overwhelm are quickly becoming the
natural feelings of the day. You no longer are living a life to pursue joy & wonderful experiences. You're living a life
to reduce your feelings of struggle, overwhelm & chaos. It's almost too much to face day in & day out. It's no wonder
that more days than not you feel frustrated, isolated, lonely, stuck & without hope.
The
truth is that somewhere along the way, a bait & switch occurred. You were taught that if you took the time & effort
to learn something, you then could use that knowledge & apply it to whatever it is you want to do. In fact, our entire
educational system is based on this theory. Learn & then apply.
However, as
you've most likely experienced more & more than ever before, learn & apply is no longer good enough. The minute you
learn & understand one form of technology, that technology is yesterday’s news. At every turn there is a better
TV, car, appliance, gaming system, computer… or way of doing something. In fact, the majority of what you learn in high
school is nearly obsolete if you venture on into college. And, even more devastating is that when you graduate from college,
armed with your thousands & thousands of dollars of education, you're at best extremely behind the application eight ball
when you enter the infamous “real world.”
Finding stability & certainty
almost feels like a lost cause in world that's spinning at 1,000 mph. And, yet, it's never been more crucial to find that
safe ground in order to perpetuate the life you really want to live. If you get caught up, you most certainly may spin yourself
right out of control grasping at anything to just stop the manic merry-go-round.
I'm
happy to tell you there's chance at stability that you may never have considered before. What I found, in my own search to
stop being pushed & shoved thru my own life without any sense of control, is that there's something that once learned
can serve you for the rest of your life. It's possible to learn something that can immediately give you your power back & then can then be practiced & mastered over a lifetime without constantly having to update, upgrade or start
all over. This theory isn't something that changes every day or improves just when you finally grasp its original intention.
This philosophy isn’t based on tools that suddenly don’t work anymore because you don’t have DSL, instead
of dial-up, or a fast enough processor or a TV that can record 15 shows simultaneously or a DVD player, instead of a VCR player.
These tools have been tried & tested over thousands & thousands of years. The only thing that changes is what you desire to achieve - & that's driven solely by you. These tools automatically customize
themselves to you without you ever having to learn one more thing. They give you the opportunity to stabilize your life by
giving you back the power of directing.
Now, the reason I say you may never have thought of these
ancient, tried & true methods as a way to create stability & certainty in your life is because you may have believed
they're only used for changing your life. There's truly a paradox at play here.
However, I'm sure you have started to grasp by now, there's a huge difference in identifying how
you want your life to be lived & learning something once to create it, vs. being subject to the whims of the never-stopping
speed of the world & frantically trying to keep up with where it's dragging you. By simply stopping & learning these
very simple & yet profound tools for being the master creator of your life, you actually stop the speed at which you feel
yourself being dragged, pushed & shoved. Your new-found ability to deliberately choose how you think about your life,
your opportunities & your possibilities gives you the chance to put the brakes on everything trying to happen to you &
gives you full control to choose & decide on your own terms.
If you desire to
learn & master the tools that can create the stability & certainty that's so sorely lacking right now, I encourage
you to give yourself that gift.
I'm a teacher & student of these philosophies.
I've learned how to use these ancient & incredibly powerful ideas & tools to take back the control over my life I didn’t even know I could have. I continue to practice &
master what I have learned, which allows me to get better & better every day. I don’t have to keep changing what I learned, scrapping the old for the new or feeling like I'm never going to be able to keep up.
If you want to learn how to be in control over your life, then immediately begin to apply what
you learned, I encourage you to check out the program I created. This program teaches all of the foundational elements you'll
ever need to know. The rest is just practicing & applying at your own speed based on your own chosen desires.
The next step in being the powerful creator of your life instead of dragged along without any control is to learn the foundational elements. Get started now,
not because if you don’t everything will change under you, but because the sooner
you learn, the sooner you'll master your new knowledge. Your copy is waiting - click here.
Embrace Change
By Lori Radun,
CEC
Last Sunday I was sitting in on a class we conduct for newcomers at our church. One
of our pastors said, “If we don’t change, we aren’t growing & if we
aren’t growing, we're dying.”
Isn’t that so true? If you want your life to remain status quo, then your best
guarantee is to resist change. However, if you want a better marriage, more life balance,
higher self-esteem, better behaved children, or more quality friendships, then you need to embrace change.
So many of us focus on changing other people around us, even
though we know deep down this doesn’t work. In fact, there's so much resistance to change
that a book was written called Why Should I Be the First to Change?
There are many answers to this question. First, you'll be happier if you're continually
growing & learning. You can only be responsible for you. When you change, people will
follow. Lastly, by living your life to the fullest, you contribute to making the world a better place to live.
But let’s face it. Change is hard. We're creatures of
habit & many of our behaviors were learned in childhood. Maybe those behaviors served us at one time, but eventually we'll
be called to change if we want some part of our life to be different. As someone who's been
committed to personal growth & change for over 20 years, let me share with you 5 essential
ingredients I’ve learned you must have to successfully make changes in your life.
1. ACTION You can read every self-help book,
attend seminars, or talk with people about how they’ve made changes, but unless you
actually take action, nothing is going to happen. Of course gaining knowledge helps. However, it’s only the first step
to change.
Our mother’s group at church recently read a book called She’s Gonna
Blow. In that book, there were hundreds of suggestions on how moms can better manage anger with their children. If a mom is
dealing with frequent anger at her children, then she must take some of the principles & actually apply them to her life.
Maybe it means she has to resolve anger from her past, count to 10 before she responds,
or reserve daily relaxation time for herself. She must do something different if she is going to conquer her anger issues.
2. FOCUS To focus, you need a vision & a plan. How do you want your life to be different & what's your plan to change it?
This
is one thing I've learned from starting my own business. I have a tendency to have a million (well,
not quite) ideas about what I want to do to grow my business. I'll start to work on one idea & then jump to the
next & then on to something else.
Pretty
soon I'm wondering what exactly I'm accomplishing. Is my business actually growing or am I just doing a lot of tasks that don’t produce results?
For
every change you're trying to make, pick 2 or 3 things you can do to support that change & stick to them. Try those things for a substantial period of time before
you move on to something else.
3. DISCIPLINE This
is what will carry you thru when the going gets tough. Anyone can stick to change for a
week or two. It takes a disciplined mindset to make lasting change. You have to be able
to pick yourself up when you fall down, brush yourself off & try again.
For
two years, my older son, Kai, played travel baseball. Then he encountered a long hitting slump & he was no longer a superstar.
His dad & I kept telling him he needed to be practicing or his hitting wouldn't improve.
It took
2 years of crushing disappointment from not making the travel team for Kai to learn discipline. He now faithfully practices his hitting at least 5 times per week. It totally comes from him & his desire to succeed. His discipline has developed a lifestyle change for him that has tremendously improved
his hitting & his confidence.
4. COURAGE The number one reason we resist change is fear. Sometimes it can be scary to change. It's much more comfortable to remain status quo. It's normal to feel fear, but yet it's so crippling.
To have
courage is to not feel fear, but to push thru the fear. I've always had a dream of singing on the music team at church. Singing on our church music team meant I had to go thru
an extensive & frightening audition.
I could
have easily sat on the sidelines & never taken that risk. Instead, I mustered the courage to try out. It was one of the most nerve wrecking experiences I’ve had. Even though I didn’t make the team, I
learned something about myself. I'm capable of conquering fear & I lived to tell about it.
5. SUPPORT Change requires supportive people in your life. You need people who believe in you & who'll encourage you on your journey. Sometimes you need someone to hold you accountable for what you say you’re going to do. You need friends & family members that won’t let you give up.
You
need love & understanding when you're struggling. Surround yourself with loving & helpful people & put God at the center of your life. Some changes are so difficult,
but all things are possible with God.
Lori Radun, CEC – certified life coach
for moms. To receive her FREE newsletter and the special report “155 Things Moms Can Do to Raise Great Children, go
to http://www.true2youlifecoaching.com
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10 Steps for Making a Major Life Change
By Steve Davis
As human beings, we’re creatures of habit. No wonder making a major life change
is so hard! But it can be done. Follow these steps to get your change in motion, one easy
step at a time:
1. Identify the price of maintaining the status quo. Not making the
change you know you need to make is costing you. Do some soul searching; consult with trusted
allies, or journal to yourself to uncover the payoffs you're receiving & the prices you’re paying for maintaining
the status quo. When you get that the price of not making the change is greater than the
payoff, you'll be more committed to moving forward.
2. Create a reserve of everything.
We don’t always have to make a difficult change from where we are now. If we have
issues with money, time, space, emotional support, skills, etc., make a plan now to get more than you need in these areas,
creating a stronger foundation from which to launch in your new direction.
Keep in mind that it's better to be over prepared & arrive at your destination than to fail because you
were just a hair short of having what you needed to get there.
3. Forgive self-judgments.
Guilt is rampant in our culture. So is the vendetta against selfishness. Suffering is supported & nurtured by friends,
family, religions, etc. So it's not surprising that many of us, deep down, don't feel we deserve to have what we want.
i.e., maybe you feel you're not good enough or deserving of the life you really want. Or maybe you feel that
the change you're about to make will hurt someone close to you. Or you may feel that you're
not smart enough, resourceful enough, bold enough, or just plain "enough" to make this change.
Acknowledge these judgments then forgive yourself for holding these false perceptions about who you really are.
Because the truth is, they're only ideas, many of which are irrational & you'll create yourself each moment based on the
new idea you hold about who you are.
4. Stop complaining. Are you complaining about
being in the situation you're in? Are you blaming others? Or have you accepted full responsibility for your situation &
just beat yourself up for not making the change? If any of the above are true, you're playing
the victim & you’re forfeiting your power to make the change you say you want.
Even if you're blaming yourself for not being happy or for not having the courage to make the change, then part of you is beating up on another part of yourself, hence there's a victim in there somewhere.
To the degree you play the role of victim, you lose power you could be using to move forward. So get behind yourself completely
& own your full power to create the life you desire, no matter what.
5. Give up analysis that breeds paralysis. We're so conditioned to figure
things out before we leap, that sometimes we become paralyzed to take the actions our bodies are directed to take from the
beginning. This is particularly true if you’re an engineer, scientist, or other type of technical person who experiences
the world more through analysis than thru feeling. If you’re stuck in a thinking pattern rehashing the same ideas over
& over, trying to figure out what will happen if, then you're stuck in a mind-loop. It's time to quit thinking & start
doing. Feel in your body what it wants to do, then just do it! The information you're seeking may only be available after
you take action anyway. Wisdom often comes from experience, not from analysis.
6. Develop
a compelling vision. Leaving a longstanding relationship or a long time career can be very frightening. This is because
if what we have is all we see, then to give it up means we’ll have nothing left. This is a terrible illusion. New opportunities,
relationships, resources, connections, and ideas always rush in to fill space in our lives. But first, you have to make the
space for something new, and second, create a clear vision of what your life will look like once your change is complete.
The vision of your new future eliminates the fear of the unknown—which can keep you stuck for a long time! Your vision
will form the matrix on which you will create your new life and give you the inspiration and courage you need to move on.
7. Risk failure. Does your fear of failing keep you stuck? If
so, define what failure looks like to you. Imagine the worst possible thing happening. Can you live with that? Can you make
course corrections before it happens or after it happens? The answer is almost always "yes." So, please, do yourself a favor,
remove the word "failure" from your vocabulary. Realize that each action simply yields a result—one you want or one
you don't want. Use this as feedback from the universe and take the next logical step. From this perspective, mistakes are
just indications of a course correction and not to be taken personally. Pilots are checking their compass all the time and
making course corrections based on this feedback. They'd never get anywhere if they took every off-course reading as a personal
failure. Give up the concept of failure and take flight!
8. Recruit
your inner warrior. Within each of us there is an instinctual aspect built for bold, decisive action. It looks out,
not only for our survival, but also for our soul's mission. It sends messages in the form of feelings in your body. They may
come as "gut" feelings, or just a sense of "knowing" that has no rational foundation. If you’re facing a difficult change,
and have "contemplated" yourself into a corner, it may be time to let your inner warrior take over for a while. Just act “as
if” you "know" what to do, then do it without thinking about it until after it's done.
9.
Get support to help you through the change. Big life changes
can be overwhelming. There’s no shame in asking for help from friends, relatives, or from a coach. In fact, enough of
the right kind of support can make a seemingly difficult change, relatively easy. For me, being a former lone-ranger, asking
for and accepting help from others was difficult at first, but really nice once I got used to it. Now I wouldn't think of
starting a major project or making a big change without relying on my support system of close and loving friends, and my coach.
Do whatever is necessary to make change easy on yourself. You're worth it!
10. Don't go to your deathbed wondering what would have happened if... It's easy for us to forget how short our
lives really are. Many of us live as if we'll never die. We waste away our hours and days working jobs we hate, living just
for the weekends, or "putting in time" until retirement, living most of our lives like zombies. We may live in a relationship
that is draining and disempowering thinking it might magically get better somehow, someday. We deny our feelings or make excuses
for frittering our lives away. This is insane. Stop it now! Our lives are so precious and so short. I challenge you to project
yourself forward to your death. It's real and it's coming for you! See yourself on your deathbed and ask yourself if the life
you're living now is all you dreamt it to be. Write your own obituary today. How close are you to living your passion? Let
this vision be a motivator to get off your butt and follow your dreams!
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