  How Can You Heal Your Fear of Abandonment?by Laura
Frisbie, M.Ed.
You may be wondering how you can heal your fear of abandonment.
Start by giving yourself a break. This is one of the most universal
and painful issues there is. Could I survive alone? Probably not. These intense feelings around abandonment are unconsciously linked to survival abandonment issues. It doesn't get much bigger than this.
Your life's security, stability, nurturance,
and predictability began with your family (and theirs began with THEIR families).
To get some perspective, take a loving, objective look
at the people in your family. Do you see any unresolved issues they were burdened by?
Now take into account the chaotic world we live in and it makes sense that you have some issues to resolve.
If you are with me so far, GOOD! You have accepted your issues and the situations
that created them.
Because fear of abandonment is so painful and is triggered and reinforced over and over again, it is a good idea to begin by releasing trapped stress
and emotions.
"The key to healing our wounded souls is
to
get clear and honest in our emotional
process. Until we change the distorted,
negative perspectives and reactions
to
our human emotions, we cannot get in touch
with the level of emotional energy that is
Truth. We cannot get reconnected
to our
Spiritual Self. Fear of Intimacy, www.joy2meu.co
Which negative beliefs support your fear of abandonment?
• I have no support
• People and relationships are exhausting
• I feel
invisible
• I have nothing to contribute
• I am defective and unlovable
• I can't trust
•
I can't get my needs met
• I am unprotected & cannot find safety
• I am overcome with pain
•
I cannot function well
• I feel insecure
• I have painful relationships
• I need approval from
others
• I can't do anything right
• I am rejected and betrayed
• I betray myself
•
I don't know my own heart
• I cannot handle emotional pain
• I feel anxious and afraid
Pause and take a look at yourself, a compassionate look. See yourself struggling
with fear of abandonment and how it affects you, see how it affects your life...your sense of self.
• What is the main problem you are facing?
• Do you see any similarities between your fear
of abandonment NOW and in the past when you were with your family?
• Did your parents or caretakers suffer from abandonment issues?
• When you were in school, in community, or in church, did you feel anxious, alone, abandoned?
What are you MOST afraid of?
What happens in your body when you feel fear?
• I'm tense
•
I'm too serious
• I stop breathing deeply
• I feel scared
• I worry alot
• I don't
play and have fun
• I want to be somewhere else
• I go into my head and judge myself and others
•
I feel stupid and unattractive
• I withdraw
• I re-play conversations in my head
• I expect
the worse
• People think I'm weird
• I'm afraid I have to be how they want me to be and I get discouraged
and/or hostile.
What about the possibility of bonding and feeling
safe?
How many of us feel like the odd ball of the family/community?
We see life differently, we value different choices, we "walk to the beat of a different drum". This is a tough way to be.
How many of us handle this difference without conflict...in ourselves or in our relationships?
People I do sessions with often feel forced to choose between expressing their unique selves and
the values, judgments, and expectations of others.
Here are
intention statements from a session with a young, professional opera singer.
"I
am a free spirit and I am free to express. I am free to want what I want and free to be who I am. I feel Peace."
"Others see me as true to myself and fully myself."
"I
stand up for myself. I say, 'I am a singer and I like being a singer'."
Her family is religious and values traditional roles for women. She fears that her freedom as a performer will prevent
marriage as well as acceptance by her family. However, the idea of being a home-maker does not make her sing!
Which
statements do you want to resonate with?
...rather than your fear of abandonment?
• I enjoy times of bonding for togetherness and time alone for solitude
• I enjoy
being with others even if I am not talking to anyone
• I relax, expand my heart's magnetic field, and make a warm
contact with someone
• I accept myself as I am
• I breathe and enjoy life and smile from my heart
•
I recognize that others may feel the same discomfort as I do and I reach out to them
• I come from my heart with
others
• I feel liked, valued, and respected
• I listen to my heart and to the heart of what others say
• I am radiant
• I let go of my painful past experiences and experiment with new ways to connect
•
People enjoy being around me
• I laugh a lot
• I honor each individual's essence and remember we are all
one
• I exude confidence. I have courage for relationships.
• I stand in my strength.
• I love
eye contact. My eyes sparkle with appreciation.
• I am infinitely curious about everything!
• I drop all
judgments (of self and others)
• I warmly
connect to Spirit in each person
What are your own words for
what you want?
What do you need in order to feel calm and safe?
Scan back in time. What is a specific instance when you suffered from fear of abandonment?
Bring yourself into that moment. Be in the movie of your past
and be here, watching the movie. When did you feel nervous and unsafe? ....... Ask yourself...what did you need in order
to feel calm and safe?
Whatever you needed...could you use that
now? Could having what you needed then be what you need now?
Can
you see that what you needed was a good thing? It would be good if we all had that! When you heal,
when you embrace your needs, you are healing all of us.
You are activating the energy that wasn't there for you, so there can be more of it for all of us.
Are you ready to shift your energy from fear of abandonment to what you want, intend, and need?
Begin with this statement,
SAY "I am 100% committed to maintaining a higher state of well-being. I am ready to transform my negative or limiting patterns,
right now."
Author's Bio
Laura Frisbie, M.Ed. has a private practice in Resonance Repatterning
since 2000. She offers telephone sessions "for a lighter way of being" to folks all over the country. She is located in Asheville,
NC. See more about her work at www.GracefulChanges.net. This article is reprinted from www.beat-depression-naturally.com
What do emotions have to do with healing?
By Paula Muran
Emotions are the root cause of almost every injury and illness. Anger, fear, unworthiness and other emotions get “stuffed” into the body. Over time these limiting emotions weaken the physical body creating stiffness, aches, pain and general discomfort, which eventually can cause
more serious conditions like tumors and cancer.
In the allopathic and Western medicine
world, we've lost touch with the basic concept of true healing. We substitute a band-aid for a cure and wonder why we don’t
feel better. People get ill for many reasons. Each diseased state is telling us that we're ignoring some part of our self and change is necessary. While many factors contribute to healing and it happens on many levels, all require attention throughout the
entire healing practice. Ignoring the mental, emotional or spiritual bodies will not provide adequate and long-term good health.
Emotions are the foundation on which we build our life. They inspire us and they limit us. Joy, bliss and happiness along with anger, fear, confusion and unworthiness make us a whole person. Anger is often the impetus of motivation to accomplish goals while fear has the exact opposite effect; i.e., head colds are a direct result of emotional confusion. A toxic liver can cause anger. Confusion on the other hand, causes us to become ungrounded and thoughts to loop and we become scattered. Fear can literally cripple us while playing havoc with relationships, careers, success and finances. These limiting emotions cause us to stay stuck in a false perception about the self. Happiness and joy are contagious and elevate everything we do. But why is it that we experience joy less often, while fear, anger, confusion and unworthiness dominate?
Emotions
and beliefs also shroud our true divine self. As we explore spirituality, it's necessary to also acknowledge and eventually release (let go of) the attachments we place on fear, denial and disbelief. This action takes courage and trust as we examine the inner workings of the self. As our world transitions, there's a real and urgent need to change. External circumstances perpetuate the already abundant level of fear around us. Anger, confusion and mistrust all contribute to a society that's overwhelmed. It’s time for change!
How to identify limiting emotions:
The easiest way to change is to look at friends and family members and their behavior patterns. Notice all the things you like about them and all the
things you don’t like, especially the things that really make you crazy. As you look deeply into them, you're gazing
into a reflection of your own self. What you see in another that upsets or angers you is a part of yourself that hasn't yet been healed and loved. Begin by criticizing your dearest friends and then turn
all that criticism around to yourself. This exercise gives you an opportunity to look deeply at your own limiting emotional issues. Allow others to reflect back your brilliance or limitations. Once you've discovered your personal limitations, it’s time for change.
Patterns are created when we place judgments upon them. It's important to experience (feel) the energy of anger but not to judge it - just experience it. Allow anger to run all the way down to your toes. Imagine you're sitting in a pond of murky water and enjoy it. Love the feeling that anger produces. Most importantly, feel the energy of anger. Allow it to flow through your body. Next, begin to dialogue with anger. This helps to locate the core issue underneath the anger. Strike up a conversation with anger. Ask it questions like, “What are you teaching me?” or “Why am I so angry all the time?” With these answers, you're able to make permanent changes and move from emotional and physical constrictions to a nice even flow in your life.
The
emotional body is the gateway to the Spiritual self. If we find it difficult to acknowledge our fears and feel them, it'll be difficult to connect deeply to our Divine self.
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